i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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