im drinking this country out of the recession.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
