Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
