I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
In other news, I just burned my penis
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
