I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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