I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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