dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
