Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize