What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
