Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize