I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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