Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
