You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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