Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
