Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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