my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
