ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
