that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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