you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize