Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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