i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
A bitchslap is in order.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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