It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
