the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
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