Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
