I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
