I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize