Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
