my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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