At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize