Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
