you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
