Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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