ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
