i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
