Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
