I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
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