We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
