shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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