: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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