What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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