So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
