Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
