Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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