So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
