hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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