they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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