Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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