im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
