Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
