What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
