I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
