he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
