Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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