you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize