All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
