so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
