It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize