It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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