What a fucking waste of an outfit
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
