Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
