last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
third nipple confirmed
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
