On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
