He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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