ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Terrible idea I love it
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
