Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Semen is not good for contacts.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
