Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
