There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
