she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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