Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize