ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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